Cheating Cheaters and the Games They Cheated On

For the record, I have no problem with cheat codes. I don’t care if other people use them. I use the myself from time to time. Cheat codes are a must.  If you’re a gamer under 35, chances are you’ve used one of these codes:

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start Select (99 lives in Kontra)
A B A C A B B (Mortal Kombat blood code)
iamacheat‘ (Sim City money code)

You’ve loaded up with guns and put in the five star code to call out the National Guard in Grand Theft Auto 3. You’ve used Game Genie (I mean really, Nintendo actually sold a device that would hack your games). Somewhere in some game you got a monster hung up on some bad pathing, safely killed it from a distance, and smugly pretended it was just good strategy.

I’ve done it. You’ve done it too. Don’t be a liar. Be a cheater. So let’s cheat. First up, let’s use some attack chickens.

Chickens.

Yup, Wild Dogs no match for Rabid Chickens. Who is really? Actually, probably Drizzt.

Friendly Drizzt.

Standoff between Drizzt and the chickens. Perhaps Dark Elves don’t eat chicken. I don’t know. Let’s add Evil Drizzt to spice up the party.

EEEEEEEvil Drizzt.

OK, so we have the fight of the century set up, Good Drizzt vs. Evil Drizzt. But something is missing…

Chickens. Chickens. Chickens.

Yeah, there we go. Having this many creatures on the screen makes the game engine freak out a little, so things get  strange. I can’t select my party, and they begin to wander off on their own randomly attacking chickens. Evil Drizzt kills Good Drizzt and he turns on us. My party and the chickens run away in a panic like the Cloverfield monster showed up. Evil Drizzt is one-shotting everything in sight.

Oh, oh no.

Soon after, Evil Drizzt murders everyone. A good time was had by all (especially Evil Drizzt).

If there is a common thread among these posts about Baldur’s Gate, it’s that the game be brutally crushing. But the game is a little more fun knowing I have an Evil Drizzt in one back pocket and ten Rabid Chickens in the other the next time some Innkeeper is giving me lip.

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About Stylist

Poet, librarian, and video game enthusiast.
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